Because I'm pretty sure I just came close.
And no one's going to tell me I'm beautiful when my defenses are down.
I'd like to go take another shower, but it wouldn't help at all.
I think I'm the cleanest on the outside I've ever been in my entire life. I've taken three showers and a bath today. But I feel like someone lit fire to my insides while I was sleeping and now all there is left is charred snot and the burning embers in my brain.
And my hair is the freezing cold ocean so close to dousing the flames but barred by the sand of my scalp.
Metaphors, metaphors. This is a crap time for me to get sick. Just when I was starting to get in with people at the drama scene. I was classified as a drama kid by Evan Thomas, for goodness sake! Emerson said he was mesmerized by me in the supplement to the yearbook. Mr Miller seems like he appreciates my opinion. AND NOW I HAVE TO GO GET SICK.
I'm really depressed about not being able to find out my blood type, too. And currently I can't drink any water because if I do I feel, er, more sick.
I really want to see that new movie that's coming out with Ashton Kutcher or whatever his name is. Not only because it sounds like the sort of movie that would inspire me and make me bawl all at once, but also because in the theatres they used 'Light Up' by Snow Patrol for the background music of the trailer.
And that song is like. My life. Or at least I used to listen to it all the time. I can't remember when. Some winter. But I listened to it all the time. Not enough so it got worn out, like Sweetness. Sweetness was murdered in her poor little sleep. Now whenever I listen to Sweetness I feel all... sticky. Whereas when I listen to Light Up I feel warm and clean and hopeful.
Perhaps its because I don't own Light Up anymore and don't have the ability to listen to it.
Or perhaps its just less crappy.
Really. Everyone should just listen to me all the time. And always give me what I want. I say I want love and comfort? BAM IT'S THERE. I say I want some alone time? No problemo. I say I want my homework to be magically finished? Jet does it for me. And does it well.
There are tissues all over this room.
Excuse me as I go check my email.