alessandra (blue_phoria) wrote,

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a combination of lots of thoughts, realizations, questions, (shut up with your desperate face)s

Note to self: Don't worry about flight miles. They will not expire. The deal is that your account is erased entirely if you have no activity whatsoever after two full years, which will not be happening any time soon. Feel good about saving them up! Maybe you'll have enough to fly to AX or SDCC for frees next year! Preferrably SDCC since it is the latest con in the season, as well as the farthest away.

Also, self, just because you have foolishly fooled yourself into last-minute falling in crushland for someone does not mean at all that he reciprocates your feelings, or understands your feelings at all, or that it would be worth it at all to get a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand and then get to make out with him for a night before you leave, OR for that matter, does it mean that your feelings are actually legitimate. You are just being a wuss. Shut up with your desperate face already and focus on Acting and Moving and Friends and suchlike. Doing otherwise will just keep you in this slump.

Speaking of which (Acting), I found my monologue for auditioning! It may well be longer than a minute, though, so I'll have to time it after I memorize it and then cut it, which should be pretty easy to do, as there are many good stopping points. There are a couple of others from the same play with the same character, but none make much sense out of context and don't really show my talent. Which apparently I really do have according to the incredibly discerning Kaia and her mom (shut up with your desperate face Ali, you know you're talented, people have told you before, this is nothing new, seriously, you annoy me so much). SOO here it is in all of its glory!

HESTER (standing by a table): We are trying to build up life, Lady Hunstanton, on a better, truer, purer basis than life rests on here. This sounds strange to you all, no doubt. How could it sound other than strange? You rich people in England, you don't know how you are living. How could you know? You shut out from your society the gentle and the good. You laugh at the simple and the pure. Living, as you all do, on others and by them, you sneer at self-sacrifice, and if you throw bread to the poor, it is merely to keep them quiet for a season. With all your pomp and wealth and art you don't know how to live--you don't even know that. You love the beauty that you can see and touch and handle, the beauty that you can destroy, and do destroy, but of the unseen beauty of life, of the unseen beauty of a higher life, you know nothing. You have lost life's secret. Oh, your English society seems to me shallow, selfish, foolish. It has blinded its eyes, and stopped its ears. It lies like a leper in purple. It sits like a dead thing smeared with gold. It is all wrong, all wrong.

In related news, I still need a brilliant 30 second joke I can tell in a British accent! It doesn't have to be British at all, it just has to be a ridiculously good joke that would be good for an audition. PLEASE HELP! I don't have the mental patience or calmness to think up a joke by myself! I'll give you credit in my memoirs! 8D

For the past few nights I have been hoping that someone would invite me out to dinner, but everyone's all busy having lives and crap like that (besides, I was being really passive-agressive about it). Oh well. Tomorrow I'm going to go hang out with Kaia, Amanda, Jessica and anyone else who speaks up about wanting to come along. We'll get dinner somewhere (preferrably not Panda Express, possibly the flying elephant) and then go see Ghost Town with that one funny Brit. I kind of want to do something before that, too, but I am not smart enough/do not have enough social skills to think of what. My only idea was to bring everyone over to my house to play Mario Kart or Mario Party (3), but that would that actually be fun for them? I don't know what is fun for people. Plz reply as to whether that is fun or not. I could bake some lemon blueberry bread for them or something! Or maybe chocolate chip cookies! Friends like chocolate chip cookies, right?

I still have not begun packing (I will probably leave that for Monday, ie the day before I leave), but I am almost done cleaning my bathroom (just have to do the floor, yick), which is the first step to being ready to go (plus it gives me $15 for paying for stuff tomorrow). (Wow, parentheses much?) I still have to clean M&D's bathroom, and the boy's bathroom, and maybe the kitchen if Mom thinks it is necessary. I'll probably end up doing these things on Sunday since people seriously don't to appear care that I am leaving in now LESS THAN FOUR DAYS and I will not see any of them until most likely Thanksgiving, when I will be seeing Bolt with Amanda and probably a movie or two with Jessica as well, since I will be super super down on watchings with Jessica by then. Plus I love her a lot. But yeah, school will most likely not be in session then, so people like she-who-will-must-not-be-named and others should really get on the ball. Not that they even realize there's a ball to get on. Bah. It's probably not a legitimate feeling for me to have, but I feel like I shouldn't have to reach out to people right now. They should be reaching out to me, wanting to spend time with me before I leave, you know? At least Amanda's doing that, and Jessica, and Kaia. But the other two friendship bracelet sistren? Are they so busy that they can't really even bother to apologize for being busy?

See, this is where my inherent fear of not being able to keep lasting relationships comes into play. Rarg.

I have decided to make reciprocative friendship bracelets plus one when I have time, though. Which will probably be tonight. While I sit alone, wishing someone would spur-of-the-moment call me and ask me to eat food with them. Sigh. Shut up with your stupid desperate face, Ali. People are busy. It's fall. Get over it. You'll see them again. Not as soon as you'd like to, but again. Maybe you'll be able to catch a bus to go see Mousetrap over Halloween weekend? And as you just found out you'll definitely be able to see One Acts! YAY! (Note to schedule enthusiast(s, if there are more than one), trips to visit Wilson will almost definitely include detailed schedules.)

You know what really bugs me though? When you're listening to a song, and there are these background noises in it that sound like people trying to get your attention... does anyone know what I'm talking about? So you pause the music and then go see if there is actually someone trying to get your attention... but then there isn't... and you feel entirely too confused.

ANTM and Bones were relatively uninteresting to me on Wednesday despite interesting things happening in both of them. You know how it is. I'll probably be back to excited updates in a week or two. (PUSHING DAISIES SOON YEYZ)

What else? Oh, well, I found out the perfect formula for pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals to bring to SOU.

+Weird egyptian cotton pillow
+Snuggly old down pillow
+super squishy strange pillowcase pillow
+Old regular comfort pillow
+Tiny super soft pillow
+new soft snuggly tiny comforter
+old friendly big-ish comforter
+Wilson nostalgia tiny blanket
+super soft strange sleeping bag type blanket even though it has zippers
+Sir Zachary Peter the purple lamb
+Teigh/Jesus naked bear
+Pamela bear (find her)
+Bun-Bun for tiny snugglins
-KITTEN??? No, not allowed. :(

Must figure out later what clothes to take. That will be another good list. For people who like lists.

You know, I bet there will be plenty of really hot guys in choir and drama who are entirely straight, very much attracted to me and not at all douchebags. And lots of girls who don't mind a silly person with insecurities and nonsensical nature and who sometimes withdraws but still loves them a lot. Right? I mean. ... Right? They'll be there, right? Seriously, self. Shut up with your desperate face. Just because you have no idea who your friends will be, it doesn't mean they're nonexistant.

Have faith.
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