alessandra (blue_phoria) wrote,

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PLZ TO BE VOTING. or suggesting. I don't do "jokes". I'm just funny naturally.

Which of these jokes (told in a british accent, in first person) do you think would be best for my audition? If you have a better idea, please post it in the comments! Thank you!

1. The other day, I was walking through an art gallery, and I saw something peculiar. I stopped in front of one exhibit, and sneered at one of the hosts, "I suppose that is some kind of modern art?" "No, madam," replied the woman.
"I'm afraid it's a mirror."

2. There was me and my brother, in this cottage in the country, all on our own in the dead of night. My brother said, 'What was that noise? I thought I heard an owl.'
I said, 'You probably did. I stepped on the dog's paw.'

3. My mother said to me recently, 'I had this awful nightmare. There was your teacher being devoured by this foul-looking monster.'
And I said; 'Go on, what happened.'
My mother said, 'Well, I can't get it out of my head really. The ugly face, the foul fangs, the slimy dribble, the bloodshot eyes....
I replied, 'Yes, but what did the monster look like?'

4. My mother said to me, 'Your uncle's a miser you know. In all that cold weather last week, he just sat huddled over a candle.'
I said, 'Good Lord, Mother, they say it's going to be even colder this week.'
She said, 'Yes, well you never know. This week he may light it.'

5. I was staying with my uncle. One day he come in and said, 'One of the chickens has just died. We'll have roast chicken for dinner.' I said, 'Lovely.'
The next day he come in and said, 'One of the pigs has just died. We'll have roast pork for dinner.'
I said,'Lovely'.
One of the ducks died the next day. He said, 'We'll have roast duck for dinner.'
I said, 'Lovely.'
Then the next day he came down all dressed in black.
He said, 'Your auntie's just died.'
I said, 'Don't worry. I'm not stopping for dinner.'

Which joke should be a part of my audition?

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